\nJudges’ comment<\/h4>\n
Sadly, this document was a unanimous choice for the ‘Brainstrain’ award. We felt a bit sorry for any investor trying to understand it.<\/p>\n
Language should connect writer and reader, but in this case the language puts up a wall of complicated terms and phrases. You clearly have significant expertise in your subject, but you need to use much simpler language and concepts to communicate what you know to your readers.<\/p>\n
We hope that you\u2019ll look on this ‘Brainstrain’ award as an opportunity to make improvements and to better connect with your investors.<\/p>\n
Your paragraphs are a reasonable length, but many of your sentences are over 40 words. Most readers will struggle with sentences this long, especially when they contain so many complex ideas and asides.<\/p>\n
We see you\u2019ve tried hard to write engagingly in the opening paragraph. You\u2019ve used metaphor and nostalgia to draw readers in. But the rest of the document does not follow this style. You\u2019ve used jargon and complex terms instead of simpler words that your readers will be familiar with.<\/p>\n
It seems your readers would need a degree in economics or finance to understand this document.<\/p>\n
This document would be better suited to an industry magazine for professionals. It misses the mark for connecting with a general audience of everyday investors.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Document name Lifestages KiwiSaver Scheme Investor Update Judges’ comment Sadly, this document was a unanimous choice for the ‘Brainstrain’ award. We felt a bit sorry for any investor trying to understand it. Language should connect writer and reader, but in this case the language puts up a wall of complicated terms and phrases. You clearly […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":281,"parent":25,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":[],"yoast_head":"\n
Winner: People's Choice \u2014 Worst 'Brainstrain' Communication 2015 - Plain English Awards<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.plainenglishawards.org.nz\/winners\/2015-awards\/winner-peoples-choice-worst-brainstrain-communication-2015\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Winner: People's Choice \u2014 Worst 'Brainstrain' Communication 2015 - Plain English Awards\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Document name Lifestages KiwiSaver Scheme Investor Update Judges’ comment Sadly, this document was a unanimous choice for the ‘Brainstrain’ award. We felt a bit sorry for any investor trying to understand it. Language should connect writer and reader, but in this case the language puts up a wall of complicated terms and phrases. 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